09 February 2009

I'm really not that nice

I get asked to watch people's kids. A lot. I'm sure it's because my kids are at home, so parents figure there's someone for their kid to play with. But really, it's a lot.

There are a couple of kids from church that I'll watch anytime. Having them here makes no difference in our home--they play nicely, follow our rules and are polite. Seriously, I love those kids and it almost makes my life easier because my kids are entertained. Then there are the others...

The problem is that unless I have something on my calendar, I will say "yes". Because I don't want to lie, and I'm not comfortable saying, "I'd rather not watch your kid." And I always end up resenting it. And then I feel even more upset because one, or all of the following are usually involved:
1. It's a last minute request (derailing my non-calendar plans, like grocery shopping)
2. They show up early
3. The parents return late
4. The kid(s) whine
5. My playroom is left in a state of disaster

Why can't I say "no"? Should I say "no"? Do I just need a better attitude?


Cindi said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Shannon said...

Cindi is right, you should just be able to say no. I never could, either because always nagging in the back of my head were the times I needed someone to watch mine or that "bear one another's burdens" covenant I made all those years ago. If it makes you feel any better, I get no calls what-so-ever now that the kids are al in school. Occasinally I volunteer to help out a friend, but no one calls any more. Sometimes I miss it, if you can believe it. Hang on, only a couple of years to go! (Or you could move and not tell anyone!)

Queen Scarlett said...

YES it's okay to say no. All you have to do is say "I'm sorry, I have a previous commitment". That commitment can be to yourself, your children. That is OKAY.

Let's face it...and Mormons can be notorious for this - taking advantage of someone who is always helpful, available. I'm not saying we shouldn't help - but sometimes it's OKAY to take care of yours first...including your sanity.

I am big on serving with joy - not resentment. We know ourselves best. If it's going to create strife - no is best. Frankly, if they aren't watching your kids, even if you wouldn't want them to ...why watch theirs? I'm practical...

Sometimes we need to make sure we meet commitments to ourselves and our children FIRST. Serious.

I'm going to be posting something about caring more about what our own nuclear families think of us, than what other people think of us.

ps. YOU are nice... so don't take any crap. ;-)

Pink Posts said...

LOL, seriously, I had formed the same first sentence on my lips as Cindi's when I opened the comment box I laughed! I think all of us with kids have been there. I think you just get doggone tired as a mom, and it's bad enough to have to "take it out" on your own kids some of the times. Back in "my time" I eventually worked myself up to saying NO out of the sheer fact that I craved the guilt just to get out of babysitting!! But one time, I remember a good friend, whose visiting teacher I was at the time, tell me later that she'd asked me on a day she was in real need and I'd said no, and had really let her down. I never forgot that "no." So, life is full of some tough decision making and we're going to make mistakes along the way. Just do the best you can and balance it out so you're not saying yes all the time. You have to make sure you get some "me" time or you'll be no good to anyone!

Lindsey said...

Remember that our kids will be family! Plus, who wouldn't want to watch your kids? Of course it won't be a fair trade! I'll tell you what, if you move to Spokane you'll have years of free babysitting from us!

The Lahr's said...

First now that you deleted a comment it makes me want to know what she said more LOL.
Saying no is the hardest thing to do.In my world anyway.I know when I do I feel terrible,but then sometimes pay for it later on. NO you are not mean and Yes you are nice. Don't let yourself think any other way!And Yes it is OK to say no.I didn't say it wasnt hard but it is OK. Sometimes though the person you say no to is the person who needs you to say no .To become more independant.You may help them more by saying no to them.

cabesh said...

Okay, so here's what Cindi said (I deleted her comment because she used my first name, but here it is edited):

Oh, cabesh...I have BEEN there! Our house is on the way to the chapel, to any shopping, to everywhere...and I was home! I could never say no--and I felt the same exact way, which led me to feel guilty, even when I said yes, which was almost always...I don't know the answer, sorry. Good luck! In theory, you should just be able to say, "Sorry, I can't today." and not feel bad.

Jackie said...

I have the perfect solution! Move to Spokane and you will have all the free babysitting that you could ever want!!! Promise!!! (OK... My work may require me to actually work a few days... , but the kids would definately be the priority!!!)

Popcorn House said...

I totally agree with just say no. Especially now, you are crazy busy. Don't feel bad saying "OH sorry, I have a previous commitment!" Even it that commitment is a candy bar and a good book. :o)

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